Pageboy: A Memoir
Elliot Page
Flatiron Books
Nonfiction, Memoirs
Themes: Diversity, Stardom
****
Description
Since before grade school, Elliot knew something was different about him. What it was, he lacked the vocabulary to say, the life experience to articulate even to himself, but he never quite felt at home in the skin of the girl "Ellen" that his parents, his friends, and society at large insisted that he was. It would take three decades and a roller coaster of life events and setbacks and even instances of self-harm and near-suicidal depression before he would come to grips with his true identity... revelations that come as his acting career is taking off.
Review
There would seem to be few things more inherently personal than gender and sexuality, yet we live in a world where society at large either tacitly permits or actively encourages total strangers (many with disturbing amounts of authority behind them) to strictly and intrusively police both. The scrutiny doesn't even need to rise to the level of law (though several places, unfortunately and terrifyingly, are doing just that) to create almost unbearable social pressures to conform, pressures that would rather see square pegs sledgehammered to splinters than admit that not everyone fits into neat little round holes. It's even worse for those in the public eye, especially when part of an industry that too often helps reinforce those pressures and associated social stereotypes. This memoir, written by a popular actor (whose works I admit to being only vaguely familiar with), digs deep to lay out a life often warped out of shape by the disconnect between internal truth and external expectations, by survival mechanisms that ultimately worked against him until confronted (and even then it's not as easy as flipping a switch to stop unhealthy coping mechanisms of avoidance and self-destruction). Events are not related in a strictly linear fashion, moving back and forth from Page's childhood through turbulent teenage years and adulthood and in and out of various relationships and breakups, but the process of discovering, let alone embracing, one's true self is rarely a linear process. The end result reveals some ugly moments and beautiful ones, times of gains and times of backslides, ultimately culminating in an epiphany that by no means ends the lifelong journey of self-discovery but marks a pivotal milestone. Throughout, Page must contend with other people telling him who and what he is, even beyond the scrutiny of Hollywood and tabloids; some of the most hurtful moments come from his own family. Page does not paint himself as a flawless hero of his own life story, and comes across as stronger and more empathetic for it. He also admits where he has some amount of privilege, insofar as getting access to help and even a supportive community, which too many people unfortunately lack in today's world. As many people seem eager to roll back gains in equality made in recent years, stories like this one, told honestly and from the heart, become all the more important - not because they serve as a template or substitute for all nonbinary experiences, but because they demonstrate how much pain and lasting damage is caused by trying to force people to live socially convenient lies rather than seek their own truths.